Confusion Keeps Me from Honesty

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I am 25 years old. I grew up in an alcoholic/addict home where neglect and abuse were the norm. I have struggled with major social anxiety my whole life and have been unable to really ever feel fully connected to anyone… there seems to always be a detached feeling, even with my long term boyfriend.

I only recently sought out therapy. I would normally avoid it, however, I got to a point where I could no longer function, I was having issues with self mutilation. I couldn’t leave my home and I wanted to die. Also I was having horrible flashbacks of some really bad stuff I had gone through as a teenager… ANYWAY, my issue is, I have been in therapy for about 7 months give or take and I am COMPLETELY infatuated with my therapist. I absolutely hate it. I started off obsessing over him, thinking how nice it would have been to know him as a kid which turned into I wish he could have been my father which has recently turned into I want to be intimate with him. Every morning I wake up thinking about him, every night I go to sleep thinking of him. This is pissing me off because I realize that I know absolutely nothing about him really and why on earth would I feel this way about someone I don’t know anything about… I am contemplating quitting therapy, I am thinking that this was a bad idea and maybe I am just not meant to talk to anyone about anything. I am especially disappointed because I purposely avoided having a female therapist because I knew I would probably obsess on her in some awful creepy horrible way… I ended up doing it anyway…
I feel like my head is going to explode and i have no idea what to do about this stupid, awful situation. Im confused. I dont know what I am feeling or why… I just know nobody else has ever understood me… and I am devastated that I will have to let him go…
What do i do?

A: I know this may be hard to believe, but therapists are typically trained in this sort of thing, and believe it or not it is extremely common. The primary vehicle for change is the relationship in therapy with your therapist. He or she becomes a corrective force and it is not uncommon for clients to fall in love with this corrective person. The cure? Talk to him directly about your feelings. Your history would seem to indicate that intimacy may be difficult in current and future relationships, because there was never an opportunity to have a good role model. Now you do. Talk to him about it. Don’t run away from it. This is an opportunity to help heal yourself through the relationship.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 27 Feb 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Confusion Keeps Me from Honesty. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/02/27/confusion-keeps-me-from-honesty/