Infatuation with a Female Musician

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Hi, i’ve been having some trouble with an infatuation/obsession with a female musician. I just can’t seem to shake it! Recently i’ve become a fan of this Australian band and very quickly they became my favorite band. The lead singer is female and i’m a lesbian and i can’t stop having erotic/romantic fantasies about her. It’s to the point where i have over 260 pictures of her on my iphone and i keep giving her expensive gifts whenever i meet her. I can’t stop thinking about her, all day, all night, all i want to do is stare at her pictures and just think about her. Now the problem is, i want the infatuation to stop but i don’t want to cut her or her band out of my life completely. She’s so sweet and i’ve written her letters and i talk to her on twitter on occasion and she seems to really care. But these fantasies are driving me CRAZY and i just don’t know what to do!? I almost enjoy the obsession but i know it’s not healthy! I’m not suicidal or anything, just depressed to the maximum degree what should i do?!

A. It is important to realize that this individual with whom you are obsessed is someone you do not know. Individuals act differently in public than they do in private. Everyone has a public persona and a private persona. The image of the female musician is a public persona. Her image has been carefully crafted by her publicist and manager. It is not real. You are obsessed with and in love with an individual who is, in essence, imaginary. It is immature to be in love with someone you do not know.

Obsessions are always unhealthy. Being obsessed often means that an individual has become fixated on an individual or an object in an unhealthy way. Obsessions are usually accompanied by a great deal of distress. In this case, your obsession has led to depression and for that reason I would highly recommend counseling. It’s important for you to see reality clearly. Therapy could address your depression and assist you in becoming more realistic in your thinking. Don’t allow this obsession to continue. Realize that if it continues to lead to feelings of depression, then it requires professional help. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 13 Feb 2013

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2013). Infatuation with a Female Musician. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/02/13/infatuation-with-a-female-musician/