Fiance Has Untreated DID

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My fiance has multiple personalities — he has not been diagnosed with DID but after research (and talking to the other personalities) I have no doubts. The personality of greatest concern is a 2 year old.
My fiances parents do not know of his disorder, nor does anyone in my family. He does not wish to seek a therapist because he doesn’t want to be officially diagnosed — he doesn’t want it on his medical record. Is there any kind of suggestions you have for a young bride-to-be in a situation like this? Keeping this huge secret is stressing me out!

A: I’m sorry to be the one to have to tell you, but you two shouldn’t be getting married until he gets some treatment. A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. His symptoms may match up with articles you are reading about DID but there are other possibilities as well. Only a qualitified mental health provider can confirm the diagnosis and suggest treatment.

I’m not suggesting that DID isn’t a very real and serious issue. It is. But not getting an evaluation and keeping it secret isn’t going to do either one of you any good. He isn’t getting help. You both won’t be able to turn to your families if things get difficult. You may find yourself being more of a caretaker than a partner. If it is DID, he may dissociate at times to the point that he does things he shouldn’t and won’t even remember them. This is not a way to enter adult life and a partnership.

At 19, you have plenty of time in life before you need to think about marriage. When you do, you want both of you to be stable, functioning people. I hope he loves you, and himself, enough to get into treatment. I hope you love him enough to support him in doing so. I hope you love yourself enough to take a step back until he does.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 27 Jan 2013

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2013). Fiance Has Untreated DID. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/01/27/fiance-has-untreated-did/