Alone on my Birthday

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Yesterday, I had my birthday. At first, I invited some people over to have a party, but then I changed my mind because I was anxious about what people would say and if they had a nice time. So, I decided to go for ice skating, for some of my best friends; that’s what I thought then. A day before my birthday, all of them said that they couldn’t come. I felt so alone, so desperate and that I had not real friends. That night I had a friend to sleep with me and I think she is the only real friend. Not because she stayed, but because she loves me for real. So when it was the next morning, I decided I would go to buy toys.. Alone. Well, I want to ask these:

-Why no one came?
-Why would they come to my party, but not for ice skating?
-Why all of my friends only take from me, but never give?
-How should I behave to these friends that didn’t care?

A: “Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the ligh.t” Helen Keller

I would like to reframe this if I can. There were a few things here that come back to the fact that people were asked to come to your party and accepted, then were uninvited because you were afraid they would have a nice time. This seems to me like you may have some ambivalence about having friends. Switching to ice skating may simply have not worked for the people whom you invited. The change may not be what they were able to accommodate. Finally you had a best friend stay over — and then made a choice to buy toys — alone.

What isn’t described here is how they are taking from you. What were they taking? Friendships are like tending to a beautiful garden. You must nurture them so they can thrive and bring joy to you. I would encourage you to invest in your friends and strive for having nice times together and savoring these experiences.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Photo

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Jan 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Alone on my Birthday. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/01/18/alone-on-my-birthday/