I have a best friend who I am very close with. She and I bond very well because we have many things in common. But lately, she hasn’t been replying to my messages, answering my calls and I’ve just got a gut feeling that something’s wrong. I’ve been crying myself to sleep worrying whether she’s okay or whether she’s ignoring me. I feel so lost and useless without her and my patents have even started to see the sadness on my face. Words cannot describe how much I miss her. It feels as though there is half of me missing that I will never get back. I know that I can just call her home number, but I’m scared. I’m scared that she will reject me. I’m scared that she won’t pick up. I keep imagining het having fun with someone else; not missing me; and it makes me jealous and angry. Am I being too obsessive over her? Is there really any reason for me to be missing her?
A: I can understand how difficult it can be to feel adrift in a relationship – but it seems to me the relationship is strong enough to warrant you calling and finding out what went wrong—if indeed anything went wrong. Your friend may just be going through something that has shut her down and you reaching out to her is a way to understand.
People cut off communication for many reasons other than they are rejecting you. This will be an opportunity for you to check out what the bottom line is and deal with it directly. If she was offended in some way or is rejecting you at the very least you will know it and then find out what needs to be done to cope.
If she has shut down for other reasons this will let her know that you care about her. This of this as an opportunity to understand more about the friendship and take it from there.
Not to ask and to assume she has rejected you would leave you in the place of not knowing – which is often more devastating that having the facts.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 14 Jan 2013
Tomasulo, D. (2013). I Really Miss My Best Friend. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/01/14/i-really-miss-my-best-friend/