Wanting Out!!!

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I have been with my children’s father for growing on 12 years now. We have been together since high school and we have 3 beautiful children together. Over the years I started to detach myself for him because I felt unhappy. He was controlling and very stubborn. By controlling, I was not able to go out with friends only certain people that he approved of. I was not able to go anywhere by myself unless it was to the grocery store but, I still had to carry my children along. Well this past year I got to a point to where I could not take it anymore and I asked him to leave. He told me that he could not understand why I was treating him this way, and I replied to him that I was unhappy and I could not take it anymore. So two months have gone by since we have separated and I am still having a hard time getting him to leave. I constantly hear that he loves me and he can’t make it without the children or me. Or him saying that he has nothing, nowhere to go, no money to pay his bills nothing. I try to be stern but at the same time it is kind of hard because he is the father of my children. (My children are taking it hard as well). Since we have broken up it seems like the only person that is happy about the breakup is me, and my children and him are suffering. So I am stuck! I don’t know if I should go back to him so my children and him will be happy. Or should I continue to be single and happy? I have prayed and asked for direction my sprit tells me to stay on my path of being single. But at the same time he is telling me that he is praying and asking for direction and his sprit tells him to keep fighting for his family. I hope that you can help me, I am so confused.

A: It sounds like this is a very difficult situation and my recommendation is to use a couples counselor to help with the untangling of your relationship. This would allow each of you to cope with the unresolved feelings and make a plan as to how best work together in parenting your children. The find help tab at the top of the page can point you in the right direction.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 2 Jan 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2012). Wanting Out!!!. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 18, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/01/02/wanting-out/