I have been to a counselor about my depression, I am planning on going to her again soon, but I would like a second opinion. So I have been in college for close to 2 years now and I haven’t been able to make any friends. I feel alone a lot of the time. I usually listen to music to liven me up, but it hasn’t been working lately. My last roommate was one of my best friends from high school, but he dropped out of school. I now have a new roommate he is nice, but really shy around me. Just goes in his room and shuts his door when I am home too. I have been trying to keep a job, but I usually get in a depressed mood and don’t want to go anywhere, so I get fired or they assume I quit.
I came from a very small school community. I knew everyone in my class since 1st grade. My guidance counselor says that I have lost introductory skills. I believe she is correct after some self thought I believe I rely more on someone trying to get to know me than the other way around. I can talk to people when they want to talk to me.
I have been in clubs and everything in college, which she recommended, but I still haven’t been able to relate to someone on the level that I’m at. I have many respects for myself and parents so I don’t drink, smoke, etc.. So it kind of puts me off as a boring guy. I still go watch movies by myself when I feel up to it.
I am not interested in girls or guys, so some subjects or questions that come up will put me off very weird and I have lost friends, because they think I’m too weird now. My family knows of my depression, but they don’t know its beyond that point now.
I would really like an opinion on how I might go about making friends or dealing with my depression. Thanks.
A. It also sounds as though you are effectively blaming yourself for not making new friends. It may not be your fault. You describe yourself as “boring” for a lack of partying but I would not have made that characterization. Not wanting to party is typically a sign of maturity. It may be that you simply have different interests than those with whom you currently associate; it will likely not always be that way.
A significant concern about your depression is that it has hurt you occupationally. You stated that you can’t keep a job because of your depression. That is clear evidence of how depression is degrading the quality of your life.
It’s encouraging that you are resuming therapy. In therapy, it will be important to analyze your social skills, your fears about approaching others, and what is the root of your depression. It’s unclear from your letter if your depression is caused by your current situation or some other factor.
You should also consider medication to help improve your mood. Medication works best in tandem with psychotherapy. If you’re willing to engage in treatment, then you should expect a successful therapeutic outcome. Please take care.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 1 Jan 2013
Randle, K. (2012). Depressed. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 10, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/01/01/depressed-2/