Should I Stay with my Boyfriend?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Me and my boyfriend have been together for six years, he is the only person that I have ever had any kind of sexual relationship with. Our relationship has always been a little rocky, since we have been together I have caught him talking to numerous girls, I don’t know if he has ever cheated on me with these girls, but I know that he was talking to them, it’s fair to say that I don’t fully trust him because of this. We have been living together for five of the six years that we have been together; but here recently I started a new job where I have met this absolutly amazing guy. He is everything that my boyfriend isn’t. We have kissed but that is as far as it has went. I think that I have fallen for this guy but I don’t know if I should leave the man that I have been with for six years for someone that I have only known for three months. I think that most of my problem is I have only been with my boyfriend, never anybody else. I really need some help trying to figure out what I should do…

A: You’ve been living with this guy since you were only 15. Both of you have been deprived of important growing time. The teen years and the early twenties are a time to date different people and to find out who you are in a relationship, who is the kind of person who brings out the best in you, and who you can promise the same. That person is rarely someone you meet at 15 — unless you grew exactly in the same way (unlikely) and rate or you didn’t grow at all (also unlikely).

I suggest you trust your feelings and take a big step back from the guy you’ve been with. He’s been feeling restive and drawn to other people too. But neither of you should jump from this relationship right into another. Give yourselves the freedom to discover who you are as an individual first. Then take the time to meet a number of people to see who is a good fit.

Forever is a long time. You want to be sure of your choice.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 31 Dec 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Should I Stay with my Boyfriend?. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 2, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/12/31/should-i-stay-with-my-boyfriend-3/