Wife Competes with Ex

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

My new wife (10 months) is extremely jealous of my ex girlfriend of 4.5 years. This goes back to the fact that my wife and I met while I was still with my ex girlfriend and I stayed with my girlfriend. About a year later I broke up with my ex-girlfriend and my wife and I began talking again. In the early stages of our relationship I was still breaking up with my ex and made a stupid comment on Facebook that I wasn’t moving to CO to be with my current wife, but for a job. My wife read that and still holds it over my head today, over a year and a half later and after we have gotten married, bought a car, house, and are planning kids. My wife sees herself in competitions with my ex and even puts me out of the equation on who I chose and looks only at each of their individual qualities and claims that she is the loser. Everything else between us is great but what do i do? She is talking about divorce already because she can’t get over this issue. I realize it is my responsibility too but I have done everything I can to put that behind us and never make reference to her or have kept any communication with my ex.

A: If your wife is seriously talking about divorce because of this I would explain to her that you are willing to explore the possibility. I would then make an appointment for a couples counselor for the purpose of moving toward a divorce in an amicable way if the issue can’t be resolved. Your wife’s insecurity isn’t going to be assuaged by anything you say or do, and a couples counselor can either help you separate before you invest in the relationship further, or assist you and your wife moving past this.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral




Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 21 Dec 2012

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2012). Wife Competes with Ex. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 28, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/12/21/wife-competes-with-ex/

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