My new wife (10 months) is extremely jealous of my ex girlfriend of 4.5 years. This goes back to the fact that my wife and I met while I was still with my ex girlfriend and I stayed with my girlfriend. About a year later I broke up with my ex-girlfriend and my wife and I began talking again. In the early stages of our relationship I was still breaking up with my ex and made a stupid comment on Facebook that I wasn’t moving to CO to be with my current wife, but for a job. My wife read that and still holds it over my head today, over a year and a half later and after we have gotten married, bought a car, house, and are planning kids. My wife sees herself in competitions with my ex and even puts me out of the equation on who I chose and looks only at each of their individual qualities and claims that she is the loser. Everything else between us is great but what do i do? She is talking about divorce already because she can’t get over this issue. I realize it is my responsibility too but I have done everything I can to put that behind us and never make reference to her or have kept any communication with my ex.
A: If your wife is seriously talking about divorce because of this I would explain to her that you are willing to explore the possibility. I would then make an appointment for a couples counselor for the purpose of moving toward a divorce in an amicable way if the issue can’t be resolved. Your wife’s insecurity isn’t going to be assuaged by anything you say or do, and a couples counselor can either help you separate before you invest in the relationship further, or assist you and your wife moving past this.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 21 Dec 2012
Tomasulo, D. (2012). Wife Competes with Ex. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 28, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/12/21/wife-competes-with-ex/