Overprotective Parents

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I’m 27 and my parents are overprotective of me! Basically I come from a very overprotective family. Ever since I can remember I have been lying to my parents about hanging out with friends or having boyfriends etc. I’ve been lying since I was 13. It’s just so hard to tell them anything because my father is super conservative. It came to a point where he would go through my things to find stuff out, he would go through my bag or just anything and that pushed my younger self to continue to hide things from them. I fell in love a few times and due to my father going through my things and finding out he would make me feel really bad about it. I wish I was more truthful with them and now I am really regretting those mistakes. I worked out of the country for a few years to get away from this and now that I am back. Things are still the same. I am now 27 years old, and my old mistakes are still haunting me. My parents need to know where I am all the time, who I’m with. I live with them and if I want to go somewhere without my father he is really suspicious. I have a boyfriend now and I was upfront with my mom about him because I thought somehow it would fix my relationship somehow. My mom told my dad and he didn’t talk to me for a week. He occasionally makes comments about my mistakes or says the names of guys that I dealt with before and it really hurts my feelings. It feels like he is opening up salt to the wound. I wish I didn’t move back home. But now I feel like my life is on hold because I owe to my parents to stay because I was a bad daughter to them. They are really hard to talk to and I know you might say try talking to them. No, that is not how we do things in our family. I feel like I’ve ruined everything. My mom doesn’t even talk to me that much probably because she’s given up. My dad well just everyday he gives me the silent guilt trip and it’s hell living at home. Is there anyway to fix this?

A: While your parents have your best interests at heart it sounds like they don’t realize they are making things worse. The correction for this is to move out sooner rather than later. Stop trying to change them and change what you need to do to move on.

You lived in another country—so living away from them is obviously possible. Gather the financial resources you need to make the move and get your own life. This may be the best way to preserve the relationship with them in the long run.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Photo

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 20 Dec 2012

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2012). Overprotective Parents. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 19, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/12/20/overprotective-parents/