Time to Move On?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I’ve been living with my stepfather and my mother for over four years now. I don’t know educational wise, what i want to do and currently am doing part time at a petstore.

My stepfather on a regular basis gets in my face about petty things, says inapropriate things to me, insults me infront of family and friends and/or blames me for anything that goes wrong. Its so bad, to the point my mother sends me to my dads house for a week while shes gone to avoid problems. My mother knows whats going on but refuses to do much and tells me to “man up” because hes to childish to do so.

I dont make enough money to move out on my own, nor have any friends to move in with. i have no other real family to go to except my father but hes made it quiet clear he doesnt want me to move in. With my bad anxiety and stress on top of mpd i am at my end dealing with him,and trying to be the better person and holding back myself(s). Ive tried to seek help but no one wants to deal with someone who has mpd. what should i do?

A: It looks to me like your stepdad thinks that supporting you for four years post-high school is long enough. It’s possible he doesn’t feel he can be direct and ask you to leave so he (perhaps quite unconsciously) is making things so intolerable that you’ll take the initiative to leave. All three adults are probably not at all happy that you are only working part-time and that you are not dealing with your mental health issues. They don’t know what to do so they avoid the real issues as much as you do. Sadly, the conflicts among you are eroding all the relationships.

It would be so much more helpful if you, your mom and your stepdad would sit down together to talk about how long they are willing to have you live with them, what you need to do to make moving out possible, and what they are willing to do to help. Ideally, your father should also be part of the discussion. You all deserve better.

It’s simply not true that no one wants to work with someone who carries a diagnosis of MPD (multiple personality disorder). MPD is now called DID: dissociative identity disorder. It’s a real diagnosis. There are well-documented treatment strategies for supporting people in recovery. You live in a major city in Canada. Check the Therapist’s Locator on our homepage to help you find an appropriate therapist. If you can’t find a way to afford individual treatment, consider group therapy or a support group as a starting point. You will not only make a start on your issues but you will also be reducing your isolation.

Ultimately, we each have to deal with ourselves. No one can do it for us. You made a good start by writing to us here. Now take another step toward help and independence. Step by step, you can get there.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Dec 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Time to Move On?. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 28, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/12/18/time-to-move-on/

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