As a boy my grandfather took pictures on me naked and in my underwear and had lots of verbal abuse from my father. I don’t remember any other abuse, but all I remember is undressing in front of my grandfather while taking pictures of me. I don’t blame my father for his verbal actions as his father probably did worse to him. I’ve come to understand a humans’ actions and why things are “passed on”. I came to realize my condition when I was maybe 14 or 15. I considered suicide at 16 and was very close to it. Making a date, time, and place was as close as I got, fortunately. I’m 23 now. Haven’t committed a crime. NEVER have touched a boy and NEVER have thought about doing it. In fact, I don’t even have a traffic ticket. I’m around many children and DO NOT have the urge to do anything rational. I’m honest, kind, and willing to go the extra mile to help others. I know my condition needs attention and I’m willing to get help so I can live a happier life.
My condition is not only an attraction to younger boys around 9 or 10 but I’m also attracted to disposable diapers. Specifically younger boys wearing diapers. I’ve always been interested in diapers, looking at the packages in the diaper aisle at the grocery store as a child. Going to the store when I was old enough to buy them. Secretly wearing them on my own time. Maybe it was because I wet the bed as a child? I’m not sure, but nothing has changed for me and that’s a problem. Not the diapers but the underage part. I can live with diapers.. I can’t live with the fact that I am attracted to younger boys. I’m beginning to think suicide is the right answer. I so want a normal life with a normal relationship. Maybe have kids some day and pass on my human experiences. I just don’t see it happening. Feelings are strong and chiseled into my brain. There is no way of making them disappear. I’m very reserved and sad all the time. It’s not natural and wish for a solution…
Is there anything you suggest for me. I feel like these feelings I have will be the death of me soon if I don’t act.
A. Many people your age or older are confused about sexuality. They don’t understand arousal and why they are attracted to certain people or objects. If you were to study human sexuality, you’d see that throughout history people have been aroused by unusual things.
One cannot consciously control what arouses them. If so, then it would be easy for a homosexual person to be heterosexual or for a heterosexual person to be homosexual.
Many people are aroused by and even masturbate to fantasies of things that they would never do. Most fantasies go no further than the confines of the mind.
Individuals who have been sexually abused as children often repeat that abuse as adults. Though you are attracted to young boys, you have never abused or harmed anyone. That is important to acknowledge. It is very commendable.
This problem falls in the realm of sex therapy. Sexual therapists study and deal with complex sexual issues. You should make an appointment with a sex therapist. Sex therapists are not judgmental. They understand the range of human sexual feelings. Sex therapy is very effective.
The guilt about your feelings is making you depressed. It is likely causing your suicidal thoughts. If you feel that you might harm yourself, then go to the hospital immediately.
Almost everyone who has attempted suicide and survived was glad that they had survived. Why? Because later their problems were solved. Your problems can also be solved. You are an excellent candidate for sex therapy. I hope you will consider it. Please take care.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 16 Dec 2012
Randle, K. (2012). Feeling Guilty About Inappropriate Sexual Feelings. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 8, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/12/16/feeling-guilty-about-inappropriate-sexual-feelings/