What if My Mom is Having an Affair?

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I am an 18 years old freshman in college. I was enjoying my life more and more every day till today.

I used an iPhone app to check my minutes this morning. When I accidentally scrolled to my mom’s part of the PDF bill, I found she has been calling this same person almost everyday. My mom doesn’t like to social, so most of her friends are from work. I know this person can’t just be a friend because she calls this person during her breaks at work! On one day, she talked to this person for 72 minutes and then another 90 minutes about 5 minutes later.

I don’t know if I should try to find out whether or not my mom is having an affair. If she does, I don’t know what I’ll do. I love my parents so much; they are my role models. I’m so frustrated. I would never expect my parents to be dishonest with each other. Everyone in the family acts normal, so even if I find out, I wouldn’t tell my parents or brother to ruin this. My dad is a nice man; he tolerates everything but dishonesty.

I haven’t been able to talk to anyone in my family since I saw that bill. I am such a happy person, but it’s hard to put on a smile when I’m frustrated like this. I want to find out, but I’m afraid my suspicion is true. But if I don’t find out, I don’t know when I will be back to my normal self again.

Please tell me what to do because I can’t share this with anyone, and I feel worn out.

A: This is a difficult circumstance to be in, but there are too many assumptions and pursuing it would put you into deeper conflict. This is a no-win situation. Let your mom’s personal life be just that. If it is an affair, it will be something your parents will have to deal with. If it isn’t, you will have made yourself upset for investigating your mother’s actions.

The people to talk to about your feelings are the counselors at your college. Express your thoughts to them so you don’t have to keep it bottled up inside.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 14 Dec 2012

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2012). What if My Mom is Having an Affair?. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/12/14/what-if-my-mom-is-having-an-affair/