Controlling Husband

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My husband is upset with me because I am wanting to spend time with friends. I have been invited to a surprise birthday party in which I did ask him to go. When he proceeded to say NO I then stated, ok I will go for a little bit. He then proceeded to tell me that I was not going that I had other things to be doing. This is the kind of thing that happens alot within the past few years. Previously he has gone out of state with friends clubbing and what not. He occassionally calls me names and says I have no friends because i’m a B. It has come down to the point were I have had to lie to my closest friend because he would not allow me to go to not only one but two of her functions. I do love him but when I stood up for myself finally and said I was going. He said I could pack my stuff and get out. I have tried to get him to go to counseling but he refuses. HELP! Is there anything more I can say or do to let him know I need time with my friends too?

A: It sounds like your husband is an immature man who only feels secure about your relationship when he has you hemmed in and feeling bad about yourself. This is potentially a dangerous situation. It has already gotten progressively worse. The next step in relationships like this is often violence. Please ask yourself why you want to stay with a man who tells you to get out as soon as he is crossed. However much you love him, he seems to only love you on his terms.

If your husband won’t go to counseling, please go yourself. Ask your doctor or spiritual leader to refer you to a therapist who is experienced with domestic violence and couples work.

I’m very sorry you find yourself in this situation. I’m sure it is disappointing and sad for you. But now you do need to take care of yourself.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 6 Dec 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Controlling Husband. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 28, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/12/06/controlling-husband/

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