Cheating Boyfriend

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

My cheating Boyfriend trying to commit suicide. I have had quite some issues. I had been seeing this guy for 4 yrs. and we literally lived-in together. I thought we were happy and perfect.2 months back, out of the blue I came across a sex chat of his. Gradually over a period of a month, he first said there were chats only, then he accepted having met some girls and gradually accepted to sleeping with 3-4 girls. There have been scenarios where I have spent the night with him and then he has dropped me and brought a girl, had sex and den picked me up. I kept trying to tolerate it n come in terms with it but am not able to. I love him too much n am too used 2 his presence. He cries throughout, puts up a guilty face n has literally left his job. He got his folks involved who feel he should be given a second chance, I myself am a believer of second chances coz I had issues in my personal life were I had got married young to this guy I liked n realized stuff soon n got it annulled. My bf knew about my past and I thought I knew about his but he turned out 2 b a player throughout. He begs for forgiveness and pleads 4 everything 2 b normal. But wen I look at him all I can think is what he did with whom. He tried 2 commit suicide n is now fine but am scared he will try again. It pains me 2 see him like this. There r times I feel like running back 2 him but I know I will make him miserable coz am not able 2 trust him. I don’t know how I can get over him. I feel depressed n suicidal too but I know suicide is not the answer. He is not letting me go n with d confusion in my heart; I cannot stop talking 2 him. I depend too much on him. I just have no idea how 2 stay alone without him. He is not making it easy 4 me. When he cheated there were no problems between us. His actions confuse me, hurt me.
Please guide me…

A; This sounds very difficult and I am sorry you are going through all of this. You boyfriend needs professional help and you cannot be the one to help him. The lying, sexual promiscuity, quitting his job, and the suicide attempt are all indications that he has some personal issues to attend to and isn’t in a position to be able to manage a relationship. As bad as he feels and as difficult as it is for you to accept, trying to have a relationship with him now is going to be difficult, if not impossible. I would strongly encourage you to seek counseling in learning how to be independent of him. The help you can provide your boyfriend is in taking good care of yourself, while encouraging him to do the same.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Daniel J. Tomasulo, Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP is a recent graduate of the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania and works as Martin Seligman’s assistant instructor there. He is a licensed psychologist specializing in group psychotherapy and psychodrama and is the expert on group therapy for Psychology Today. He is the author of the highly acclaimed Confessions of a Former Child: A Therapist’s Memoir and was honored as Sharecare’s top 10 online influencers in the area of depression. Visit www.formerchild.com for more information. He also writes for Psych Central’s Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog on positive psychology.

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 Nov 2012

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2012). Cheating Boyfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/11/25/cheating-boyfriend/

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