Hi I am 22 years old, married(wife is 18 years old) we have a child(7 months). I am studying and working she is only studying. Almost every day she tells me how much she hates her and that is tearing me apart to hear how my loved one hates our child. we don`t have a very good financial situation but we get along although she wants to do many things we can not afford even though when i get my salary i give it all to the family. I cant buy my eye lenses, razors or medicine doctor prescribed me because i give it all to my family which i love so much and want them to be happy. My wife looks at life very pessimistic and and she hates our child and when i try to talk with her like an adult she often threatens me with leaving me and our baby. She does that because she is very emotional and.
what should i do? how to make her see life in a different brighter light?
A: Please take your wife to a doctor right away. It’s very possible that she is suffering from postpartum depression. Sometimes women who have this disorder hurt their babies. You want to be sure that if your wife is ill that she is getting the treatment she needs, both for the baby’s safety and for her own happiness.
On the other hand, if she does not have postpartum depression, it may be that she was not ready for the responsibilities that come with being a mother. You are both quite young. If this was not a planned pregnancy, your wife may blame the child for the change in her life. She may envy her friends who are still single and able to go to school and party and to be more carefree. I don’t think that money is the solution. Depriving yourself of things you need is a loving and noble gesture but it hasn’t made your wife any happier.
If the root of the problem is that your wife doesn’t really want to be a mother, it might be helpful for the two of you to see a counselor to talk about how to work together to make a lifestyle that makes you both happy and that gives your baby the parents she needs. I can tell you are already doing everything you know how to do to fix the situation. But the situation isn’t getting fixed. It’s time for you to reach out for some guidance. Even if your wife refuses to go to a counselor, go by yourself. You need and deserve some support and some practical suggestions for iimproving your family life.
If there is no counseling available in your country or if you can’t afford it, see if you can find a very wise older woman who can provide gentle wisdom and support for your wife. Sometimes a wise grandmother is the best “doctor” for a new mom.
If your wife doesn’t respond to help, you may not be able to save this marriage. Being a single dad is hard but not impossible. Remember that your child needs a parent who loves her. She is dependent on you to see that she has the physical and emotional environment she needs to grow up healthy and strong. Start thinking about what you need to do to manage if, despite your best efforts, your wife can’t bring herself to love her child.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 24 Nov 2012
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Wife Claims to Hate Our Child. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 12, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/11/24/wife-claims-to-hate-our-child/