Mom Wants Me to Live with Relatives Instead

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I can’t take it anymore, I can’t. I really can’t take it anymore with my overprotective and panic-stricken mother who is always wanting to obtain her biggest goal of all: she still keeps on wanting herself to send me off and away back to New York to live with either my father or my aunt. As a result of me driving her crazy too much and constantly stressing her out. She even says she has to do it because she’s too old to live like this at all, and it’s my biggest fear to be afraid of it. And it has always been a constant threat towards me. I know I don’t want it to happen, but she says she wants it to happen in reality. And I know she wants to do it right away in order to give her a break, to save her health and keep herself from dying of a heart attack. If she suffers and dies from it, I’ll be ended up living back in New York for the rest of my life, and that means no more living in San Diego. That’s what she says. And she also says it’ll be for my own good, if she thinks she wants it to happen somehow.

Well, I am not getting myself to be sent away, not in a lifetime like this. I really don’t want to get sent away, but she always brings it up every time I misbehave, then I’m afraid it’s going to happen no matter what if I keep stressing her out too often. It’s my biggest fear, and like it’s somehow going to make me not to want me the rest of my life here, and therefore I’ll end up losing my fellow friends I’ve ever known for more than half of my life. It would mean that I wouldn’t be able to see them ever again if this happens.

I know it was my aunt’s her sister’s) idea to demand me to come live with her at first, being too worried about my mom’s health being poor usually because of me giving her a hard time, and now it’s my mom’s idea by either sending me to her sister or my other parent, my dad. She wants to make it successful in order to save her health, so she gets mad at me for stressing her out and driving her crazy. And she wants to get rid of me as a result.

Anyway, is there some way you could do to give me professional advice on how to get my mom to stop wanting to send me away for getting her stressed out because of me? It’s because I want to continue to live the rest of my life here, so there’s no way I’m going to get send away, ever.

A. One aspect of your letter that is unclear is why your mother retains so much control over your life when you are nearly 30 years old. Perhaps there are financial reasons that make it difficult for you to live independently or perhaps other unstated reasons.

This incident may be the catalyst that forces you to consider living independently. Perhaps that is what is needed at this time.

With regard to your mother and her decision to “send you away,” there may be very little that you can do to change her mind. You cannot force someone to do something they do not want to do. You simply cannot control other people.

If your mother is willing, perhaps you would consider attending family therapy for a few sessions. A family therapist could facilitate a different or new understanding between you and your mother. A therapist might also assist your mother in reducing her stress levels, which in turn may increase the likelihood that she would allow you to continue living in her home.

Finally, there is likely more to your story that would’ve helped me to better understand the situation. If you’d like to write back and provide more details, I may be able to provide a more specific answer. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 22 Nov 2012

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2012). Mom Wants Me to Live with Relatives Instead. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/11/22/mom-wants-me-to-live-with-relatives-instead/