Mom Dislikes My Boyfriend

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I’m pregnet and we moved and my boyfriend came with me cause im pregnet But after awhile after we moved my mom talked so much shit about my boyfriend An e moved back to where he use to live but we are still together and he wants to be a part of the baby’s life but my mom thinks its a bad idea and he is no good for me but I know in my heart that he is the one and he loves me. Well through my whole time being pregnet I’m 23 week along now and all my mom do is talk bad about my boyfriend and I’m crying all the time and so stressed about things. Well I really want to move back to be with him and have are family together just me him and baby cause he want the baby in his life and I want to be with him but my mom dose not agree with it at all and she don’t want me going she says how much I’m hurtting her but she is hurtting me to and I know it’s the right thing to do for baby so she can have her father in her life but I have no way to get my mom to understand what I wanna do an I’m not trying to hurt her by leaving but u have to do what’s best for baby.

A: You’re 17, pregnant and probably scared. You’ve made an adult decision to be a mother. Now you have to make adult decisions about how you will live your life.

My guess is that your mom is both angry with you and worried about the future. From her point of view, your boyfriend is in no position to be a father. He apparently doesn’t have enough of a job to rent an apartment and support you and the coming baby. That would worry any mom. All you can see is your love for your boyfriend. Your mom is looking at whether he is prepared to take on the responsibilities of being a husband and father. Apparently she doesn’t think he makes the grade. She may even be right.

It’s a great distraction for you and your mother to fight with each other. I suggest you stop arguiing and start talking about whether you are really ready to be a mom, whether you can support a child, and whether your boyfriend can be a real partner in doing so. If so, there is nothing to argue about. You and your boyfriend should get jobs, get married, and start your own life. If you are somehow expecting your mother to be your backup, think again. She has already raised her children and may not be at all happy to raise yours. If that’s the case, think about the adoption option. Sometimes the way to love a child is to make sure she has parents who can raise her well.

I wish you all well in this difficult situation.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 20 Nov 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Mom Dislikes My Boyfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/11/20/mom-dislikes-my-boyfriend/