Endlessly Fighting with Boyfriend

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I know it sounds like any other question, but I need reassurance. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for quite a long time now, everything in the relation was really great for the first 9 months, no fighting or arguments, nothing. But lately are disagreements are becoming daily, and it we’re becoming more and more sensitive to the little things. And my jealousy has been getting worse and worse too. I get jealous when I even see him smiling to another girl, mostly because lately, I haven’t been able to get a response like that out of him. I feel like he doesn’t enjoy my company anymore, and he swears that he still does, and that he has just let his guards down. We do talk about our jealousy problems a lot, and the constant arguing, but we both can’t seem to get better and stop fighting with each other.. We both love each other so much and couldn’t imagine life with out the other, but these fights and jealousy are getting in the way. And I need some major advice, Please help! Please and thankyou!

A: You two aren’t listening to yourselves. Your fights are telling you that you both have issues you need to work on before you are ready to be in a serious relationship. It’s good to deal with them now when you are 18, instead of when you’re 30 and have a divorce and 2 kids behind you.

Apparently, you both have insecurities and issues with conflict management. What you call jealousy is more about self-esteem and trust. Constant arguing tells me that you two don’t know how to manage negative feelings or how to negotiate differences. A healthy self-esteem, trust, and the skills to manage conflict are the foundation for a good relationship. You two aren’t there yet.

I hope the two of you love each other enough to take a big step back and to encourage each other to get some therapy. You both have some major work to do.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 17 Nov 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Endlessly Fighting with Boyfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 27, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/11/17/endlessly-fighting-with-boyfriend/