Can’t Face Current Reality
I am over 300 pounds. I used to be 130 pounds. Dieting is very difficult for me. Exercise is worse in that I am disabled. I noticed one day that when I think about myself in various situations, I see myself as thin again. When I dream, I am a thin person. I’m not an unhappy person! I don’t get out much, but I’m happy and enjoy various aspects of life. I don’t like to look at myself in the mirror because I hate what I see. I am a recovering alcoholic. I quit 15 years ago. Immediately I went to food. And that hasn’t stopped.
I understand about cross addicting because I’ve done it several times in a variety of ways.
What I’m wondering is whether a possible reason for my eating is that body image in my head which keep telling me I’m much thinner. I hope this makes sense.
A; It absolutely makes sense. Often an eating disorder is at least partly due to a skewed body image. In the case of anorexia, for example, the person sees herself as never thin enough. She doesn’t believe what she sees in the mirror. The same is true for you. Your inner image of yourself doesn’t match your outer reality.
You understand cross-addiction. However, you don’t seem to be motivated to do something about it. I can see why. You’re happy and enjoy your life. A doctor’s concerns that you are overburdening your heart or shortening your life are abstractions that are hard to hold on to. Maybe you’ve made peace with your life being shorter than it could be. Maybe the idea of dieting is worse than the idea of dying 10 years or so sooner than you otherwise would. It’s your life. You are the only one who can decide if getting back in physical shape is worth the effort.
I wish you well.
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Can’t Face Current Reality. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 13, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/11/13/cant-face-current-reality/