Is it Already too Late?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I have been with my bf for 5yrs we fight everyday i feel he dont care, i complain he wont spend time with me and he does nothing. when i try to discuss issues with him he ignores me or it turns into a fight. when im mad i dont know when to stop or how. he has stated he is not happy and wants to move he is not attracted to me due to me getting fat and my mouth. I love him and want this to stop before its to late. but i feel very neglected and cant bring an issue up without it being a fight everytime. Im very desperate please help us stop the fighting and be happy before its to late. Also he has gotten to the point where he says he hates me and dont want to talk or be around (until its convient for him)

A: I’m so sorry things got so far. It may already be too late. You two are more connected by anger and disappointment than by love and caring. The fighting is your effort to get yourselves out of a situation that is poison for you both. If you want to give this relationship a chance, I think you need to take a big step back and do some work on yourselves.

If your boyfriend is willing, you could try some couples therapy to help you reclaim the love and attraction you’ve lost. If he isn’t willing, the kindest and most loving thing you two can do for each other is to let go and start over with someone new. I understand it’s hard to let go of a 5-year relationship but it sounds like it hasn’t been happy for a long time. Another year of fighting isn’t going to make either one of you feel better. If you could make it better on your own, you would have done so a long time ago. Get some help for the relationship or let go.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 8 Nov 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Is it Already too Late?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/11/08/please-help-before-its-too-late/