Don’t See Eye-to-Eye with Boyfriend

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I have two children ages 12 and 11. I started dating my bf 6 years ago. I knew since then that he didn’t want a family and that he was selfish. I was ok with that then. But now I would like us to live with him and he doesn’t want to. One day he cheated on me and promised that he would be a dad for my kids among other stuff so that I wouldn’t leave him. He hasn’t done it. He says that he likes them and he’s nice to them, I mean he gives them presents on their birthdays and goes places with us.

I live with my parents and I really want to leave cause I don’t like the way they are and I think it’s bad for my children. My bf doesn’t want to get married. I do. I feel sad that he doesn’t want to do as I say, I really think I deserve everything because of what he did. I’d like it to be like in the movies when some stepdads end up loving their stepkids and being a family. I don’t know what to do.

A: Your boyfriend has made it clear that he isn’t interested in marriage. After 6 years, I think you should believe him. If you enjoy his friendship, then accept it for what it is. He doesn’t owe you for having cheated. Cheating was another way of telling you that he can’t or won’t give you the life you want. If you want marriage, it’s time you started looking for love elsewhere.

As far as wanting to get away from your parents: Marriage isn’t the answer. At 29, it’s time for you to work toward your own independence. I hope you are working. I hope you are developing a career that will support your children. Being self-sufficient will raise your self-esteem and will make you more attractive to men who are competent and successful. Get on with your life and hold out for a man who loves and cherishes you and who doesn’t have to be talked into marrying you.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 1 Nov 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Don’t See Eye-to-Eye with Boyfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 1, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/11/01/my-boyfriend-and-i-want-different-things/