Relationships and Anger

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My problem is that my boyfriend left me because he’s tired of the fight we are having all the time and the way i act when i’m angry and how mean my words are when i get nervous the second day after the break up i called him and begged him to come back and i swore that i will change but i got nothing from him except it’s over and i’m done trying with you i really need him in my life i don’t have much friends even my friends i can’t act happy while i’m with them sadness have got over me and i always feel like i wan’t do NOTHING but think of him i didn’t try to contact him again because i heared that begging will make him go away more i need help please how do i get him back ?

A: I think you are asking the wrong question. You probably aren’t going to get him back. You’ve hurt him too much. The question you should be asking is how to deal with your out-of-control anger. I get it that it’s easier to focus on the breakup than to look at yourself. But that’s what you really need to be doing if you ever want to have friends or a relationship that lasts.

If you haven’t already done so, the place to start is with your doctor. Sometimes teens who are emotionally reactive like this have an undiagnosed hormonal problem. Or maybe you’ve grown up with people who fight with each other instead of working things through calmly. If that’s the case, you need to find other role models for managing a relationship. If you think you need more intensive support, do think about seeing a therapist to help you develop some more useful ways for dealing with conflict.

If you could change on your own, you would have done so long ago. Please get the help you need so you can have the relationships you want.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 27 Oct 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Relationships and Anger. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/10/27/my-boyfriend-left-me-because-of-the-way-i-act/