Starting to Hate My Husband

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Me and my husband been together for 2 years marry for 1 year.Now I am starting to hate him because of how he is.He have a son from another woman that no matter what he always put him first before me.His son dont listen so when I yell or put him in time out my husband has a problem with that.Also when I tell his son to do something my husband always always tell him otherwise so that show his son that not to listen to me bascially.Then my husband get mad at me and not listen when I tell him what the problem is so it can change.

Thats not the only problem everything I want is a problem for him.We just move to a house that has a washer and dryer connection so he said if I pay for secruity and months rent to move in he will buy me my washer and dryer.Instead he use the money he had to buy his pool table,then when he got his check he said he was going to pay the truck bill so i have to wait for it but instead he spent some on himself,his son and then gave his mom and nephews some money which leaves us with nothing

but i didnt know he gave some money to his mom until recently and that day I ask him to buy me something for $20 but he keep saying we dont need it.We went to the flea market to buy stuff but I wanted a one hour massage he convice me not to get it cause it cost to much,then I wanted a ring for $40 and I told him how much I wanted it but he said please baby please dont get it get something else so i didnt get it but he spent $80 on himself that day and the next day he brought himself a new ipad for $600

but i still dont have what i want because its either to much or he just dont want me to get it.But everything he wants he gets like he love kevin hart and to suprise him for our anninversay I brought front row tickets without him askiing for it but he cant spend $40 on me.I dont know what to do theres so many things that he is doing that is so wrong but thats too much to put here.

He wasnt like this before and I am crying every night cause of everything and I try to tell him but he just gets mad and dont listen and tell me to shut up.I am starting to hate and regret him and this marriage.What should I do?

A: This must all be so disappointing. The problem seems to be that he doesn’t understand that once married, a married couple needs to be on the same team. That means that the two of you need to agree about important things like how to discipline his son and how to manage money. You say he wasn’t like this “before” which I take to mean before you got married. I think a heart-to-heart talk about expectations for married life is long overdue. He seems to think he gets to make all the important decisions and you are supposed to just go along with whatever he decides. You clearly don’t agree with that idea.

Sometimes people are just thoughtless, not mean. Give him a chance to work things out with you. But if this behavior continues, you may have to make the tough decision that this guy isn’t who you thought he was. Better to leave after only one year of unhappiness than after many years of misery.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 26 Oct 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Starting to Hate My Husband. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 31, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/10/26/im-starting-to-hate-my-husband/