Can’t Let Go of Ex

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My boyfriend and I have separeted because he does not respect me he lies to me and he does not trust me nor do I. He chats with ladies on face book he compares me to his x and recently after being togethr for 8yrs he told me he has an 11yr old boy,but im willing to forgive him I love him so much however he is not right for me I dont want him. How do I let go of him,How do i forget him? My love has turned into obsession I go to his Facebook account and check who he comments to,I write him sms so I can get his attention but we end up fighting via sms.He has moved on with his life but I cant accept it.I love him I really do sometimes I feel suicidal.When Im alone at home I cry myself this has been happening for four months now I dont know what to do.He goes out at night with frieds and lies about his where abouts and when I call him he does not pick up his phone or if he does he would lie. What confuses me he tells me he loves me he misses me I dont know what to do I love him I really love him.We have a five year old son.How do I move on with my life without him.he swears at me he told my vagina is huge and it smells condom he colud tell that when we had sex that Im faking. then I would end up swearing him aswell saying his penis is small if my vagina is too big for him, he is the only guy i have slept with he is the one who broke my virginity. I feel I should let him go but I keep on provoking him because im the first one who sends sms or calls him and if I dont then we wont talk. I really need help.

A: Writing to us here at PC was your first step back to health. I don’t think you are in love with this man, at least not anymore. I think you’ve built your life and your idea of a relationship around him and it scares you to cut loose. Of course it does. He’s been your only partner. You have a son to raise. It’s hard to think about doing that on your own. Eventually you are going to want to try again to find love. That’s a daunting prospect as well.

But please read your first two sentences. Why on earth would you want to be with someone who treats you like this? Why would you want to raise your son to think this is the way a man treats a woman he loves? You deserve better. Your son deserves better.

The way you cope is by looking forward instead of back. You need to see a lawyer to make sure you know your rights in terms of child support. You need to develop or make friendships so that you have people to hang out with and so that you have some support during the difficult transition time ahead. And you need to focus on having enough income to take care of yourself and your boy. That may mean more schooling or looking for a better job. You may also need to see a therapist to give you some needed emotional support and some practical advice.

Once you get occupied with building a new life, it will be easier to let go of the old one.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Photo

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 29 Sep 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Can’t Let Go of Ex. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 1, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/09/29/cant-let-go-of-ex/