Sad and Lonely — Can I Change?

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

My entire life I have been sad and lonely. As the years have passed, I kept hoping that things would get better but they never did. I have too many problems and I don’t know how to deal with all of them.

My sister has autism and being the “normal” daughter, I feel my parent have greater expectations of me since they know that my sister will never be able to have the things every parent wants for their child.

I feel I’m not good enough. In spite of studying very hard, I didn’t get a good gpa in university. After graduation, because of the recession I was not able to find a job so my dad got me a job where he works. It’s been 2 years and I hate working there but I don’t think I can get another job. I gave a few interviews but it never worked out.

Because of my sister’s disability, my parent decided to isolate themselves from everyone. I grew up having no interactions with people other than teachers and classmates. As a result, I’m nervous around people and have never developed good friendships. I have no friends and no one to talk to other than my mom. I feel like my youth is passing me by and there’s nothing I can do to change my life. I want to fall in love and get married like everyone else but I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

I feel utterly and completely helpless. Everyday I wake up, go to work, come home and relax for while and then go to bed. I feel tired of living and sometimes wish my life would just end. I will never act on this feeling because I know the impact it would have on my family. I don’t want to give up, I want a better life for myself but I don’t know how take the first step.

How can I turn my life around? What can I do to change things?

A. All of the issues with which you are struggling can be remedied with therapy. Your parents isolated themselves and this prohibited you from developing a healthy interaction style. The thought of interacting with others invokes nervousness and thus you avoid it.

As a child you had little say over what your parents did and did not do. They chose to isolate and unfortunately this negatively affected you but as an adult you can correct it. Dealing with nervousness, learning new patterns of interaction and so forth, are skills that can be learned. Therapy could greatly assist with the development of these skills.

As you stated, you feel completely helpless. You have tried all that you know to correct these issues but you have come to the point where you no longer know what to do. Mental health professionals specialize in teaching people the skills that you are interested in learning. It makes perfect sense that you would consider therapy at this point your life. It is the way to “turn your life around.” Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 Sep 2012

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2013). Sad and Lonely — Can I Change?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 29, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/09/25/sad-and-lonely-can-i-change/