Boyfriend Won’t Help with Baby or Housework

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I am 23 years old and have been with my boyfriend for just over two years we have recently had a baby daughter but for the last few months of my pregnancy and the weeks since, i have been havin doubts about our relationship. We live together and i do everything around the house, he doesnt lift a finger even when repeatedly asked and its not out of badness or defiance that he doesnt do anything it just doesnt occur to him at all, but its making me feel more like a house keeper than his partner also he isnt romantic with me at all and never wants to go out or do things, he just wants to lie on the couch and play his playstation. I feel really taken for granted and stuck in a rut i love my boyfriend so much but i dont think i’m happy right now and i dont know what to do.

A: As delightful as a baby is, she is also a huge responsibility. You have embraced this new stage in your life. Your boyfriend hasn’t. He is acting like a teenager, not a partner and father. He needs to man up. Playing video games and turning you into a maid isn’t going to take away the fact that he is now a dad. He needs to be making a major financial contribution to the household and he needs to be a true partner in housework and child care.

If he says he wants to do better but doesn’t know how, then he needs to find someone he looks up to who can coach him. If he won’t do that, you have some hard decisions to make. Your love is not enough to make a family man out of him. He has to decide it’s important enough to him to leave the teen years behind.

I certainly hope he has it in him to do that. You deserve better. So does your little daughter. And, actually, so does he. If he keeps this up, he’ll eventually lose his self-respect and his family.

I wish you all well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 22 Sep 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Boyfriend Won’t Help with Baby or Housework. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/09/22/boyfriend-wont-help-with-baby-or-housework/

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