Psych Central

Fiance Conned Me and Left Before Wedding

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

So long story short. Got engaged a year ago to a man who made me feel amazing, most of the time. I was completely in awe of him as i have suffered with self esteem issues and depression and he seemed to love me so much. 6 weeks before the wedding i found out he had spent all the money his father gave us for the wedding and lied to me, said he’d paid things he hadnt. I found out when i started getting chased for money, he finally admitted it and i kicked him out, how can you start a marriage on lies?

Anyway, since that day i have fallen to pieces, really badly depressed and i tried to talk to him but he wont open up, he will speak to me about the money he owes me but as far as the relationship goes he doesnt acknowledge any emotion. I dont understand how he could just turn his feelings off, how he can just stop caring when it kills me every day!

I was hacking his emails which i have stopped and as soon as he went he was on loads of dating and hook up websites looking for fun elsewhere, i just dont understand. Before i found out he showered me with love, gift and affection but now its like i never existed. How can he fall out of love with me over night? Its made me ill, i have been to the dr and have meds and awaiting councelling but im drinking to excess, using illegal substance and sleeping with men i dont know because i feel worthless. Please help me.

A: You’re not worthless. He is. He apparently used you to get money. To him words of love are just part of a game you didn’t know you were playing. He didn’t fall out of love because he was never in love. It’s fortunate that you found out before you married.

Please stop beating yourself up. Con artists are so expert at conning that they often have many, many victims. You had no way of knowing that he is a user and a thief.

As you already know, drinking, drugging, and sleeping around doesn’t change anything and certainly doesn’t help your shaky self-esteem. Stop talking with this guy except about money matters. Better yet, let a lawyer handle that. I’m glad you’ve contacted a counselor and hope that by the time you read this response, you’ve already had an appointment. You need and deserve the support. I hope that counseling will help you find ways to both recover from this blow and build your courage to try again. There’s someone out there who is worth yout time and your love. But you have to develop more self-confidence to find him.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 13 Sep 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Fiance Conned Me and Left Before Wedding. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 18, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/09/13/fiance-conned-me-and-left-before-wedding/