Wobbly Relationship

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Well I’m currently engaged. I have been with my fiancée for a little over 2 yrs. It was instant chemistry between the two. We pretty much hung out one day and have been together ever since. For the past 8 months I have been terribly unhappy for the most part. He is a great person and treats me better than any boyfriend or husband of anyone I know. Girls would be so lucky to be with someone like him. However I am so unhappy and depressed when I’m with him. I have taken a few days to myself occasionally and realized that although very saddened and doubtful about my time apart from him, I gain my self-esteem and my depression goes away. I am a jealous and very insecure person by his side but I am confident and free on my own. It worries me that my horrible past relationship will never go away and if I leave a good man I will later come to find out it was myself with the issues and I will fall in the hole again. I’m at a crossroad and extremely insure about which direction to go to. Thank u.

A: I admire how you are thinking about and approaching this issue, and am particularly impressed with the fact that you are willing to look more deeply at yourself since you are not identifying your fiancée’s behavior as the problem.

The struggle to understand your emotional reaction in contradiction to your experience can be caused by many possibilities and it is too difficult from the information you’ve given to know which ones are likely. Previous relationships may be generating this, family of origin issues, and in a more immediate way simply being able to tolerate the good things that come into your life may be causing the reaction. I would strongly encourage you to discuss this with a therapist. My guess is this will be fairly easy to determine and you can then begin sorting though correcting it. The find help tab at the top of the page can help locate someone in your area. Let your fiancée know that you are working on having a better understanding of your reactions and let him know you appreciate his understanding

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Photo

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 12 Sep 2012

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2012). Wobbly Relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/09/12/wobbly-relationship/

Want a more immediate answer from others like you?
Use your Psych Central account in our self-help support community.

Subscribe to Our Weekly Newsletter


Find a Therapist
Enter ZIP or postal code



Users Online: 13585
Join Us Now!