Anger Toward Women

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I came out of a long 3-year painful and addictive relationship. It was exhausting that I lost a job. My partner was beyond comprehension and at times I was exhausted. This woman would be disrespectful to me and I could not ever break free. Finally she ended it on August of last year. At the time, I began missing her and came running for her a month and a week later. She expressed she no longer wanted me. I was beyond hurt but manage to move on. She suddenly reappears three months later, however I felt weird and could not bring myself to sleep with her. The entire problem is that she over stayed her visa and needs to marry some one. We would always fight over this. Well, we had another fight in New Years Eve and after seeing one another she broke up with me again. She said she was confused. I broke down again but then tried to move on. A friend then told me she was 5 months pregnant. How? If she was with me on Christmas and New years? I went into a rage and ever since I saw a counselor who helped me find my way again. Now a year later, I still have huge anger issues DIRECTED towards women. I find myself extremely angry and have so many questions, why would she do this to me? Was she trying to trap me with some one else kid? I hated my self for not sleeping with her, but now I see it was what saved me? I am over whelmed with ANGER at her. I called her to confirm with her when I found out four months ago. It was true, she was with child but she did not disclose anything only that it was true and that she was not getting married and I wished her well. But now I am BEYOND furious. Can some one lend advice? I wont ever contact her or hurt anyone, I am Christian, but this has left a significant amount of ANGER and emotional pain, and I find myself at the verge of an emotional break down. I am extremely hateful towards women.

A: The anger you are feeling makes a lot of sense, but there are two sides to it. You are angry with her for betraying you, but you are also likely to be angry because you betrayed yourself. Being angry with her is because her behavior is a lightning rod. Whatever allowed you to stay in a painful, disrespectful relationship is likely to be fueling your anger toward her, but the real work is on figuring out why you stayed and dealing with that.

The Stanford Forgiveness Project and the book Forgive for Good by Dr. Luskin would be a very good place for you to start untangling these angry feelings. As you read this book you may want to begin individual therapy. You can find a therapist in your area by looking at the find help tab at the top of the page.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 1 Sep 2012

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2012). Anger Toward Women. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/09/01/anger-toward-women/