My parents devorced when i was 7 i spent the weekends with my dad in a bar he would point his guns at me and some times he would put them to my head and pull the triger and laugh and say he knew it wasnt loaded befor my granfather pastaway he told my granma he wanted me to have everything when she pastaway well my dad and uncle didnt like that and thay talk her into giving everythin to them now my dad is dead he gave everything to his fourth wife and my dad also sexuly abused my half sister and she just shot herself in the head so now what do i do with all the hate and anger it is starting to controll my life i cant sleep and i am angry all the time plz help

A: I’m so, so sorry to hear all this. You’ve had far more than your share of trauma and unfairness in your life. Of course you are angry! I hope there have also been some periods of happiness to balance it – at least a little.

At 42, you’ve probably lived half your life. The good news is that the next half doesn’t have to be as brutal or as unfair as the first. As a kid, there was nothing you could do to stop your dad. You had no control over how your dad and uncle manipulated your grandmother. But you do have control over the way you live your life from this day forward.

Please get yourself into some therapy. Find a therapist who is trained in cognitive behavioral therapy and/or positive psychology. I don’t think you need to focus on the past except to close the door on it. I do think you need support for taking charge of your life and your happiness now. You need to find work or volunteer work that is meaningful to you. If you don’t have them already, you need to find good friends and someone to love. I worry that your history has set you up not to trust anyone. If so, it’s part of your personal therapy work to separate bad experiences in the past from your expectations for the future.

The fact that you wrote to us tells me that you do have some hope for yourself. Please build on that by taking the next steps. Give yourself the gift of getting the support and help you need and deserve.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 28 Aug 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Need Help with Anger Management and Hate Issues. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 30, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/08/28/i-am-angry-all-the-time/