My husband and I have been married for about 3 years now. Our communications skills are less than that to be desired and our fights can be explosive. Most of we fight about is drinking. He has been alcoholic for a very long time. Recently, he had stopped drinking and was sober for about 4 months. I was not able to trust or forgive him for the things he put me through. I would have thought that him quitting would have been engough, but I am still very angry. The kicker in this whole thing is that he blames me and shows no shame. He thinks that he was not that bad and that I am over reacting. He is now on vaction and drinking like a fish. He feels like I am controling because I only support him being sober. He calls me names and points out all my faults to change the conversation around on me. I am so pent up with anger inside that I have been killing myself slowly for a long time. I dont think I know what to believe and as much as I want to trust in him, I can’t. How can I live without this anger and hatered whether he is drinking or not? Should I pack up and move out? I have been to support groups, therapsits and prayed for some relief, and nothing.
A: What you see is what you are likely to get forever. Your husband isn’t interested in taking responsibility for his own behavior. He’s not interested in giving up alcohol.
I worry that you have become so used to his mistreatment of you that you accept it as “normal.” It’s not. No one deserves to be called names. No one deserves to put up with being called “controlling” because you’d rather live with a sober, respectful, and loving man than an angry drunk.
I can’t make your decision for you. I can only suggest that it doesn’t make sense to try to trust someone who isn’t trustworthy. It isn’t reasonable to take the blame for someone else’s failings. Listen to your anger. It’s telling you something important.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 22 Aug 2012
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Should I Move Out?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 7, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/08/22/should-i-move-out/