I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly eight months now. In the beginning of the relationship his ex was still calling and texting him. Originally, I found out b/c she showed up at his door drunk and upset about a mutual friend’s death and somehow was able to get in and stay all weekend. I wanted to understand but when he told me she was still there, I was furious. He chose her over me. I feel if it weren’t a friend’s death, it would’ve been something else. After discussing the situation, I decided to put it in the past b/c I feel he is worth loving. In the meantime, she continued calling and texting, which made it very hard for me to forget she existed. I decided to text her myself to let her know that I knew she was interfering and I didn’t appreciate it. After that she stopped all communication but I had become obsessed with the weekend she stayed while we were dating, wondering if they were intimate. I confronted him and asked him directly if he had done anything sexual with her and he said no. I have already decided that no matter what I think happened, I would like to move forward and have a healthy relationship with him. The only problem is I have huge trust issues that stem from childhood trauma. Which means I have trouble trusting even my family. I know it’s psychological and it’s a problem but I don’t have anyone to talk to. I feel I have turned into this monster that constantly looks through his phone. I hate myself for it and I just want to feel better. I need advice on how to move forward and stay positive. HELP!
A: I am going to recommend a book that I think will help you cope with this style of thinking The Resilience Factor will help you learn how to challenge your thoughts. This book will show you the A-B-C model of dealing with the Activating event, your Beliefs and your Consequences by challenging your beliefs. You may also want to see this psychcentral video about cheating.
Tomasulo, D. (2012). Trust Issues. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 30, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/08/04/trust-issues-4/