I am married woman of 37. I have been married for less than a year to a man who is widowed with two children. I do not have any children of my own and have been married twice before – widowded and divorced from earlier marriages. My now husband has a lot of financial problems – he is a business man and has lots of debt. I married in haste, almost impulsively and he had not told me all the facts before marraige. He had told me that he was financially poor but had not offered any specifics of debt or law suits that he has been fighting. He clearly had expectations from me to help him which i got to know after marriage. During the first few months, he behaved badly – with agression and tried to coerce me into helping him financially. Fed up with the greed and demands i stood up and said that i cannot meet all his demands and that i will walk out if it continues. He has stopped that kind of behaviour now. Howver, I have lost trust in the man and i dont think that this relationship has my best interest in mind. I think of running away everyday. I am worried what will happen if he goes bankrupt or losses the law suits. I make a decent living, but i cannot support three people. I feel depressed worrying about the future. please help me with your insights. Specifically looking for help on how to cope and what decision to take. I also am beginning to feel that i cannot trust my judegment in a relationship – i often wonder how i agreed to marry this man in the first place !!
A: I wonder as well. I think you are asking the right questions. Clearly you are a successful woman in your professional life but haven’t found a way to use those same skills and sensitivities in your personal life. I think you need two kinds of help: a therapist and a lawyer. The therapist can help you understand what led you to make such an impulsive decision and how to take better care of yourself in relationships. The lawyer can help you understand how to protect your assets and what your legal obligations are to your husband. Once you have better information, you will be in a position to make new decisions.
Please don’t repeat the mistake of making a hasty and impulsive decision. You owe it to yourself to take the time to do what is going to be right for you over the long term.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 1 Aug 2012
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Regretting my Marriage. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 8, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/08/01/regretting-my-marriage/