Okay, so I’ve been talking to this boy for about 2 months now and as far as I was concerned everything was perfect. He’s totally successful, smart, funny, and everything I’m attracted to in a guy. Not to mention, the attraction is completely equal on both our parts. We’ve texted every day since we met, and even though we live 45 minutes away from each other, he still makes time to come see me at least once a week.
Lately, however, I’ve been feeling really confused. His text messages are a lot shorter, and usually consist of 1-3 texts between the two of us. I’m not the girl to blow up a guys phone, so normally I just let it go and wait for his text the next day or whenever he decides to talk to me again. It sounds pathetic on my part, but I’m not going to make a big deal out of nothing when it could be just him being a crap texter. Anyways, these past two weeks he’s still been texting me every day but sometimes when I respond to his text message…he’ll just drop off the face of the earth. He won’t respond to me at all, and I won’t even hear from him till the next day.
He also hasn’t made the effort to come see me at ALL in the past 2 weeks…I’m confused as to why he’s even wasting his time texting me if all he’s not even interested in actually talking to me. Is he stringing me along? We’ve already had sex and I think that’s why I’m getting myself so worked up about this….hopefully someone can solve the pieces to my puzzle here because it’s driving me INSANE.
A: During the first couple of months of dating, most new couples are obsessed with each other. Once that first blush of romance is over, a more realistic rhythm for the relationship sets in. You say this man is successful. That means he puts time and energy and focus into his work. He can’t do that and be totally available to you. For that matter, you can’t be successful at your work either if you are texting all the time.
It’s not at all unreasonable for adults who have careers and interests to only text or talk to each other once a day or to see each other once a week (as an example). What is unreasonable is not talking about what is reasonable.
You and your guy need to have a clear conversation about where this relationship is going and what you need from each other. What you see as only keeping contact may be making him feel crowded. What he sees as reasonable contact is, quoting you, “driving you insane.” There’s no right number of texts or talks or dates needed to make a relationship work. What is needed is an agreement that is comfortable for both of you.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 Jul 2012
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Is Boyfriend Stringing Me Along?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 8, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/07/25/is-boyfriend-stringing-me-along/