Psych Central

Is My Close Friend a Stalker ?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My close platonic male friend has been following me to meetings as he says he did not the buiding whereabouts, he google mapped it and showed up. I have caught him driving past my house a few times when he has nor reason to be in the area as we live 7 miles apart, in different towns. He has a need to be around me all the time that I tarted to feel suffocated by him. He get jealous of my other male friends and invites himself along to social get togethers that I have been invited to.

I asked him about his behaviour one night a few weeks ago in my kitchen, he became very defensive then took out my chef knife from the knife block on the worktop started twirling the sharp edge around his fingers and said to me; did you know I had a knife fascination with knives when I was younger, he was calm when he said it, it put a chill right through me, he also said he has my finernail clippings and a lock of my hair from when I was 17 in his old bedroom at his mothers house, he now has his own place.

I set up a nanny cam in my house this week, and I caught him sneaking around my house when I wasn’t in, I have since shanged my locks. I thought he was a kind person, very nice wouldn’t harm me in anyway, now i think I see him for who or what he is, and am I possibly in danger from him?

A: From all you said, I do agree. I think you are in serious danger. You may think you have a platonic relationship but he’s obsessed. There is nothing healthy about the situation.

I’m glad you changed your locks. I’m not at all confident that is sufficient. I’m worried. If you withdraw from him, he may well escalate. I think you need more protection than a lock on the door.

Please don’t try to handle this on your own. You’ve never been in a situation like this before so, of course, you don’t know what to do. But the police and crisis teams do have experience to draw on. Talk to people who can offer you the protection and practical help you need. Do consider staying somewhere safe while you work this situation through.

By writing to us and by changing the locks, you took some important first steps toward self-preservation. Now, please, take the next one and go talk to the authorities.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 20 Jul 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Is My Close Friend a Stalker ?. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 18, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/07/20/is-my-close-friend-a-stalker/

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