Relationship Future

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Hi Therapists, I have a couple of questions I am married since 2006 but I move in with my husband before we got married and we have a daughter 10 years old. Still today I don’t feel that we are a complete family maybe is me. He does’t want to have anything together like bank accounts, house bills, car insurance, etc. I am his second marriage sometime I think that is the reason, but my salary is less then him and we share the expenses but some time I feel that I pay more than him. Also we both work full time, and I the one who need to come back from work to clean, cook and leave everything ready for the next school day and work, is anything that I supposed to do because he said that he need to rest. I am so close to take my things and leave but I really love him. Is easy for me to write and speak with someone, I don’t have friends.

A: You will need to be more direct with your husband about his responsibilities. This is important because you need to stop doing as much as you are. If you are feeling depleted it means you are giving out more than you are getting back. This will eventually take a toll on you and your relationship.

Be clear that you are not going to continue doing all that you are and explain you need his help. If you don’t stand up for yourself now the chances are it will get worse.

I also recommend you push yourself to make friends. If this is too difficult you may want to find a group therapist who can help you learn to make better connections with people. But first I would try some new ways to meet people. An easy way is to take a class in something you like, such as cooking, photography or yoga.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 13 Jul 2012

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2012). Relationship Future. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/07/13/relationship-future/