Tired of Being Just Friends

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

For a long time now I’ve been severely depressed I’m constantly being told “lets just be friends”. At first it didnt phase me and Id think it was them not me but over time when I’ve only gotten rejections after rejection. I started to realize if they’re all saying I’m such an amazing guy but they want to be friends that they’re either lying or I’m still not good enough and it’s broken me down. The only girl that dated me for any length was just waiting for something better and when it showed up she cheated on me and left.

A: Of course this is painful. You want to get close to people and you keep getting shot down. But you may not be as helpless in the situation as you think. There is something about who you choose that puts you back in the same place again and again. Please take a look at the last several people who told you, however nicely, to back off. See if you can identify what they have in common. Somehow you are choosing people who aren’t available to you. Once you have that figured out, you’ll know what you need to do differently.

I hope you will then get active and look for places where you can find a different kind of potential partner. If you’re not already involved in something that interests you where you can meet singles who are like yourself, get busy. There must be an organization, a job, or a cause that stirs your soul. Do things you feel genuinely passionate about and you’re likely to find like-minded people.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 8 Jul 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Tired of Being Just Friends. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 25, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/07/08/tired-of-being-just-friends/