Erection Problems

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I have been with my bf for 10 months. In that amount of time he has only been hard maybe 5 times without needing manual stimulation. We have sex at least once a day, but it’s getting so old for me to have to give him oral, hand jobs etc. for 15 mins. before he has an erection. Because soon as he gets an erection we have to hurry up and have sex because he will lose it, also he ejaculates very quickly. We have really worked on him holding off on ejaculation…we have some progress.. He says he’s always had a hard time getting it up. So is this a medical thing or just the way it is? I am a very good-looking woman. But it makes me feel so un-sexy, and I find myself desiring my sex life before him. I feel horrible even saying that. He is only 32, he’s a great man, but this is a huge issue for me and we have talked about it a lot. I don’t know if he needs to see a dr. Please help.

A: I know this must be a difficult issue because it has been going on for a while and you are noticing a pattern. There are several possibilities, but the most reasonable way to move forward is to be candid with your boyfriend about how this is affecting you. The goal here isn’t to make him self-conscious or upset, but rather to show your concern for his and your relationship. Following that, the next step for your boyfriend is to go to a urologist for a physical. This will rule out any medical issues. After that he may want to talk to a therapist or perhaps the two of you talking to a couples counselor who specializes in sex therapy. The find help tab at the top of the page will help you.

These may be tough conversations but they are necessary. If the intention is coming from a place of wanting to improve what you have, then it is likely to have some positive benefit.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 8 Jul 2012

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2012). Erection Problems. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/07/08/erection-problems-2/