im 13 and confused, worried and sad most of the time. i cry myself to sleep at night and listen to sad songs which i depress myself even more. this is because of an old best friend i once fell out with. shes fine about this because she replaced me but im not because i miss her. And at school i walk around on my own or just lock myself in the toilets and cry over my old happy life. A few weeks ago she said she misses me and we should hang out around school again.. so i did so but she leaves me out alot and i get so upset about it because i don’t know whether to give up and find another friend or to keep trying but either way it hurts. so what should i do and how can i stop my feelings and getting my heart broken?
A: I’m very glad you wrote. The problem is not that you lost a friend. The problem is that you were too, too dependent on that one friendship. My guess is that your friend started to feel crowded. Sadly, she didn’t know how to tell you and the two of you didn’t understand how to renegotiate your friendship.
Sitting in your room crying and making yourself even more depressed isn’t going to change a thing. Personal pity parties only lead to more depression and less action. You don’t need to find another friend to replace this one. You need to find a way to keep the friend you’ve got and make at least three more. That way, no one takes the burden of being your everything and you don’t end up alone when a friendship doesn’t work out the way you hoped.
So — get out of your room and into life. It’s summer. Can you get to camp? If not, does your town have a recreation department where you can meet kids your own age? Is there a project you can get in on where other teens are helping out? Look in your local newspaper and online and ask around. Somebody knows where kids who are active, involved, and enthusiastic are hanging. Find happy people to be around and you’ll be happier. Yes, it will be hard. But it can’t be as hard as hiding in the bathroom and crying.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 6 Jul 2012
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). I Miss My Best Friend. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/07/06/i-miss-my-best-friend/