Trouble Breaking off Affair

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

i am in a extra marital affair for the past one year, and we call it as love, i do love her but cannot leave my wife and she is married too. She cannot leave her family.i am trying to break this relationship but i m not able to as i have had sex with her a numerous times and i imagine her everytime in sexual fantasy. i also have a problem that i doubt her fidelity because of her past. I am totally confused and I am not having a Peaceful life. I masturbate thinking of her 3 to 4 times a day, and i am losing my health too. She s very aggressive and never listens to me in any aspects. i am TOTALLY DEPRESSED and not able to concentrate on work too. i need you advice.

A: You are right. You are in serious trouble. What you are calling love is a distraction from your own problems. Orgasm by masturbation releases the tension and even gives you a moment of pleasure but it doesn’t do anything for the underlying problems.

Breaking off an affair is a decision. Once it is clearly made, it isn’t debatable. So something is keeping you from making the decision. I don’t know what is making you so stuck and depressed. I do think you’ve created a life where you aren’t really available to anyone or anything – your wife, your mistress, or your work.

Since you can’t figure it out for yourself, I urge you to see a therapist to help you. Writing your letter was an important acknowledgement that you are over your head. That’s the beginning of the road to peace. Now, please follow up and get the help you need by finding a local mental health professional to talk to.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 4 Jul 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Trouble Breaking off Affair. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 15, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/07/04/trouble-breaking-off-affair/