I Feel Bad for Dancing with a Guy at the Bar

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

After my boyfriend broke up with me, everyone told me to go out and have fun with my girl friends(instead of sitting at home crying) and by that they mean bar. I had never been to the bar before this with my girl friends so I also invited my one girl friend who had just turned 21. That friend and I sat on a couch for the majority of the night and danced sitting down. I had a lot of guys hitting on my and one had asked if I would dance with his friend. I said no. Later that night that same guy ended up dancing with all us girls when we decided to dance on the dance floor. Long story short he ended up putting his butt on my private area. When my ex had asked me if I went to the bar and stuff I forgot to mention that because I was so hysterical because he was very mad. Now everyone tells me not to mention it but I have a feeling I am lying and I feel very guilty and that if he were to ever find out he would be extremely mad(he has jealousy and trust issues) even though I dont think I did anything wrong.. Should I feel guilty? What should I do?

A. You should not feel guilty if you did nothing wrong. You may be feeling as though you did something wrong because your ex has trust and jealousy issues.

I would need much more information to determine if your feelings of guilt are warranted. For instance, it would be helpful to know how long you and your ex had been together before the breakup. It would also be helpful to know what led to the breakup, how long you and he had been apart at the time you went to the bar, and what the exact nature of your relationship was at the time of the incident.

You stated that you had broken up with your boyfriend. It would seem that if you two were no longer together, then you did nothing wrong.

If you would like to write back and provide additional information about the relationship, and provide a rationale for why you believe that you may have done something wrong, I may be able to provide you with a more direct answer to your question. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 3 Jul 2012

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2012). I Feel Bad for Dancing with a Guy at the Bar. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/07/03/i-feel-bad-for-dancing-with-a-guy-at-the-bar/