I’m at a loss for what to do as its ruining my life. For about 2 years now I have been totally head over heels over one of my brothers friends. Nearly every one I know tells me that we make a good couple, even his own mother! I have been trying so hard to impress and make him notice me and I push myself to great extents to make him happy and I have based life decisions on what I thought he would think of me. Unfortunately, he has just treated me like I don’t exist. He has never even trated me like a friend or an equal. He ignores me and acts like im nothing in his eyes. But then again he also acts like there is a great chance of us being together and he makes out that he likes me back and I get really confused. I have BPD so I think that’s contributing to my heart ache. My legs are covered in scars thanks to him, yet I always want to be around him. Sometimes I feel such hatred for him that I could quite happily wring his neck but the next minute I’m drowning in despair over why he won’t love me like I do him. I put so much effort in for no return and it’s killing me. I don’t know why I can’t just forget about him. My thoughts are always riddled with what is wrong with me? I question self worth and I loath my self because I’m not good enough. I don’t know what to do anymore, this whole thing is ruining me.

A. Being “head over heels” in love can blind you to the many possible negative attributes of your love interest. In your case, you would like to develop a relationship with a particular person but he may not be interested. I’m also concerned about the intensity of your feelings for this individual. As you stated, “it is killing you, literally.”

It seems as though your life has revolved around this individual despite believing that he is not interested in a relationship. Your blinded devotion has led you to essentially mold your life around his, which has caused you significant physical and psychological pain. From a psychological perspective, this is not healthy.

I would strongly recommend counseling. It is important that you focus on developing a healthy sense of self-esteem. A lack of self-esteem is in all likelihood contributing to your unhealthy attachment to this individual.

You also mentioned that you have BPD which may mean that you have bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder. In either case your symptoms, if not well controlled, may be contributing to this problem.

I’m also recommending counseling for two other reasons: this problem is significantly interfering with your happiness and you are engaging in self-harm. Self-harm is a sign that someone lacks the ability to solve problems in a psychologically healthy way. I hope that you’re able get the help that you deserve. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 1 Jul 2012

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2012). This Guy Is Leading Me On & It’s Killing Me Literally. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/07/01/this-guy-is-leading-me-on-its-killing-me-literally/