My Father is Abusive

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Ok So My Dad Has A BIG Anger Problem. I’m Gonna Tell U Guy About Him And PLEASE Tell Me If He Needs Help Or If Its Not A Big Deal.
Ok, So He Is Just So Angry All The Time And He Never Thinks Its His Fault Or Ever Says Sorry. So Some Of The Craziest Things Hes Done Is Throw A Bed At My Sister, Throw A Vacume At Me, Throw A Chair At Me, He Basically Throw’s ANYTHING He Sees. Hes Broken A Ton Of Stuff Like The Button On A Tv, Alot Of Chairs, A Vacume Etc. When He Hits Someone He CANT Stop He’ll Keep Going Untill My Mom Stops Him. Like When We Were Little He Would Chase Us Up The Stairs And Hit Us. He Breaks My Sisters, My Mom, And Me Into Tears ALL The Time. I Always Told Myself That I Wanna Go Somewhere Else And Run Away Or Even Kill Myself Cause I Just DONT Wanna Be With Him. And If Someone Would Talk To Him About It Then He Would Twist Our Words And Blame EVERYTHING On Us. For Example, One Time When We Went To Six flags We Kept Telling Him To Go On A Ride with Us And He Got Mad and Said ” Nobody Wants Me People Just Ignore Me And Dont Care About Me” When We Told Him To Go On A Ride So Obviously We Do Care Bout Him And We Didnt Ignore Him ! I Could Go On And On But I Think This Is Already VERY Long. So Please Help Me And Tell Me Your Opinion And If I’m Just Making A Big Deal Out Of It Or If He Should Really Go To Anger Management. :’(

A: No kid should ever have things thrown at them. No kid should be hit or live in fear of her own father. I’m worried that at some point your dad won’t know how to stop and you (or your mother or sister) will be really, really hurt. So – yes, your dad does have a big problem but it would probably be dangerous for you to be the one to tell him so. I have no reason to think that he would have a calm discussion with you about his behavior.

Unfortunately, it sounds like your mother is as afraid of him as you are. Instead of protecting you girls, she breaks into tears. She needs some help too. It might help if you, your mom, and your sister had a serious talk together about what to do. You can’t change your dad. He isn’t interested in changing. But it’s possible you could all get away to a safe place until he gets himself into some counseling and learns how to control himself.

Support your mom in checking into options for practical help and support. There is a 24-hour crisis line in your city for families like yours. Also check out this website. Everyone in your family deserves so much better.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 29 Jun 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). My Father is Abusive. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/06/29/my-father-is-abusive/