Boyfriend Broke it Off Abruptly, Now What?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My boyfriend is suddenly not communicating with me. I have been working in Saudi for almost 6 years and I have a boyfriend for 3 years. He is is married with no kids. He is 40 years old and I’m close to 30. We are from different countries and diferent religions. We have a great relationship but his family doesn’t know about our relationship except his best friend. 11 days ago, we had a good time with each other. Before he went on a trip he called me and he told me he loves me so much and after that he did not call me. I found out he had heart attack and he was admitted in the hospital where I am working. I could not visit him because his family. He closed his mobile and after he discharged, he opened his mobile but still, he did not call me and informed me what happened. He deleted me in his blackberry messenger and never replied to my messages at all. Does it mean he already ended his relationship with me without closure?

A: I’m sorry to have to tell you that you didn’t have a great relationship. You had a secret relationship with a married man. Different nationalities, religions, and ages can be bridged. But cheating cannot. He’s being unfair and dishonest with his wife every time he calls you or spends time with you. On your side, you’ve convinced yourself that having so little is a “great” relationship.

My guess is that having a heart attack made him question whether he is making the right decisions in his life. Being confronted with mortality has a way of doing that. It’s also possible that his wife found out what was going on while he was in the hospital and demanded that he make some more honorable choices. He is communicating with you. Deleting you from his Blackberry is deleting your from his life. Further, he is being as dishonorable with you as he was with his wife. He isn’t talking about the things that need to be talked about.

My best advice to you is to move on — even if he does call you. He’s not serious about making a life with you. You’ve already wasted three years of love and time on this guy. It’s more than enough. Grieve the relationship and move on.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 Jun 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Boyfriend Broke it Off Abruptly, Now What?. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/06/25/boyfriend-broke-it-off-abruptly-now-what/