Boyfriend Has Trust Issues

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My ex is 23 years old. Has some traumas from his disfunctional family. He says to be certain that all women are cheaters. So we have 6 months dating, fell in love very quick. Talking about wedding, moving in together… But he’s always been jealous and has trust issues. So, he saw a conversation in March where I said: “Since January I haven’t stop thinking about him. My ex kissed me :o I want to be with him, I’d die if I see him again with his girlfriend, Im single want to be with him”. This was me talking about an ex i never loved, but felt secure with. I broke up with this previous man because i didn’t love him or like him. All this happened in a time i lasted a month broken up with my boyfriend. Since January I thought I wanted to be with him. I realized I didnt let go of everything! And I’ve always been the best girlfriend to my ex. Even he always said it. (You’re the only person I’ve want to spend the rest of my life with).

He saw the conversation and flipped, threw me out of his house. I wrote him a letter and he said:”leave me alone,to be happy, you broke my heart! God forgives you because I wont. You’re just like the others. I can be there when you need me btu not as a woman, ever again.

I feel very bad because I lasted a month wanting to be with someone I never loved and I didn’t actually do anyhting. I didnt even like when my ex kissed me, because I even told him not to. Yesterday I called him because I bought a puppy and named him after him. He said it was ok and he saw a picture I sent him and wanted to buy the dog. I said no. HE said: well ok, take care of him, he’s really cute. It sounded like he was just fine without me. He is single in facebook and erased my pictures. I love this man like I’ve never loved anyone. What can I do?

A: I don’t think trauma is from his dysfunctional family has much to do with the current situation. You’ve hurt him badly. You may have gone back to your prior man for a time just to make sure you were making the right choice, but your boyfriend had already given his heart to you in spite of all his misgivings about relationships. He trusted you. You broke that trust. Of course he flipped. Once a trust like that is broken, it’s almost impossible to regain it. I suspect anything you say or do now is too little, too late. He’s moved on. I suggest you do the same. And before you let yourself get involved with someone to the point that you are talking marriage, please make sure you are really done with any prior relationship.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 19 Jun 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Boyfriend Has Trust Issues. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 30, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/06/19/boyfriend-has-trust-issues/