42 and Hates His Life

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My issue is I feel very beat down by life. I am in a relationship that seems to fit the mold of dysfunctional.
I have little or no money despite having a well paying job.
My lack of money means I don’t do anything or go anywhere other than work and home.
I work the graveyard shift and have very few friends that I interact with due to my odd schedule (truth be told I have none). I don’t sleep well, or cannot sleep (can’t turn off the thoughts), when I do attempt to go to sleep.

I eat poorly and know I am a mood/binge eater.
I feel like a poor father/husband.

Overall I hate my life. I am on the verge of tears many hours of the day but of course being a guy I just find a way to push that feeling aside and go one with life. I have thought that I might be better off not being around as I feel I am really just taking up space, costing people money, and wasting oxygen.

I don’t know what to do about this feeling. I think I might be rare as it seems the only people I see asking this question are teenagers and young adults. Yet here I am 42 years of age and can’t figure out how to fix my life so that I can be happy.

A: Thank you for writing. Although most of the letters to us here at PsychCentral are from young adults and teens, most of the people who came to the clinic where I worked were middle-aged. The difference between them and you is that they came to the clinic!

I wonder if you hate your life enough. You say you hate it but you keep doing it. I hope you get to the point where you hate it so much you will make yourself do something about it – like make an appointment with a therapist.

Real men do go to therapy. Really. I’ve seen many of them. I assure you, doing therapeutic work is not for sissies. It takes courage and perserverance. It takes the wilingness to be uncomfortable while you make change. It takes effort and commitment to follow through on insights and advice. As hard as it can be, you probably have what it takes to do it. You certainly won’t know until you try.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 12 Jun 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). 42 and Hates His Life. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 28, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/06/12/42-and-hates-his-life/

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