Psych Central

Pregnant and Scared

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I’m 16 years old and I’ve been dating the same guy for 2 1/2 years. And I still love him. We fight alot and we break up and always get back together some times in hours or a few days but we always end up back together. I do everything for him. I do anything he needs and wants. But some how I always screw up. It’s always my fault. A few months ago I reiliezed I was pregnant. I would get morning sickness I haven’t got my period in 3 months and when I would stand up for a ling period or time I would get dizzy and nearly pass out. I tried telling my boyfriend and he doesn’t believe me. He doesn’t listen . And I need him more then anything. My mom had me when she was 15 and my grandma raised me. I grew up with my family always telling me not to make the same mistakes and I have . I can’t tell my family that in pregnant so I only have my boyfriend. We recently broke up a few days ago and I try talking to him but he’s ignoring me now. He doesn’t understand what in going threw and that I need him by myside. I need help I don’t know what to do..

A: What you need to do is immediately tell an adult you trust that you are pregnant. You can’t hide a pregnancy forever. I’m so, so sorry it took this long for you to reach out for some help. Every day that you keep it a secret, you and your baby aren’t getting the care you need for you both to be healthy.

Your boyfriend is distancing because he is scared. He doesn’t want the responsibilities of fatherhood. Unfortunately, the two of you didn’t think things through before you had unprotected sex. Now a baby is coming into the world who needs both of you to grow up and fast. Your baby needs you to see a doctor to make sure everything is all right. You need to be taking prenatal vitamins and to be eating right and getting enough sleep. Soon you need to take childbirth classes so you will know what to expect when the time comes for you to deliver. As scared as your boyfriend is, he can’t ignore the situation either. He is the father. What he does or doesn’t do about it now is likely to affect how he sees himself for the rest of his life.

You and your boyfriend need to have a serious talk with a counselor about whether you are going to raise this child or relinquish it to a couple who wants and can emotionally and financially afford a child. Either way, there are important issues to talk about. You may not be ready for the responsibilities that come with parenthood but both you and your boyfriend are changed forever. If you decide to be a family, there are financial and practical decisions to make as well as emotional ones. If you let the child be adopted, you will still both know that you are parents with a child in the world. Counseling may help you make a decision that is right for all three of you.

Yes, you made a mistake getting pregnant. But please don’t make another one by continuing to keep it a secret. It doesn’t help anything. In fact, it might be putting you and your baby in danger.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 27 May 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Pregnant and Scared. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 19, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/05/27/pregnant-and-scared/