No One to Talk to about Mom’s Infidelity

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I just found out my mom has been cheating on my father. I am not totally surprised because she has been acting sneaky the past year or so, but I am devastated. I love my dad, he is so good to my mother and he doesn’t deserve to be treated this way. I think she’s going through her midlife crisis. I hate the person she’s becoming, I don’t even know her anymore. I have no respect for cheaters and I want my mom to be someone I respect and look up to.

I don’t have anyone to talk to, I stopped hanging out with all my friends when I became pregnant because I wanted to quit doing drugs and I didn’t want the temptations, my social anxiety makes it hard for me to make new friends without using drugs. I can’t talk to my boyfriend because we don’t have a good relationship and we don’t communicate. I need some advice on how to handle the situation with my mother. She doesn’t know that I know, I don’t know whether to talk to her about it or not.

A: The fairest thing to do is to tell your mother what you think you know and how it makes you feel. There’s no point in yelling at her or getting into an argument with her about it. She has to deal with her relationship with your dad. How she does it will probably affect your relationship with her. That remains to be seen.

I’m concerned that thinking about your parents’ issues is a great distraction from thinking about your own. You’re only 20 and have a baby. You have social anxiety and a “boyfriend” you can’t communicate with. Your focus needs to be on growing up yourself and making a solid family for your child. Please get yourself into therapy to deal with all of this. If you’re having trouble staying in recovery, find a support group. Get some couples therapy for you and the boyfriend to see if you can be a family. And if you don’t have a job or schooling, look into local services that will help you get started.

You and your baby deserve to have a decent life. Leave your parents’ relationship to them – at least for now. You have plenty to deal with in your own life.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 20 May 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). No One to Talk to about Mom’s Infidelity. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 27, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/05/20/no-one-to-talk-to-about-moms-infidelity/