Girlfriend Still Interested in Ex

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I’m a 15 year old high school student,who is deeply in love with a 17 year old,we’ve been going out for some time,and have, developed deep feelings for each other.Well,don’t let our age change your opinion of my perception of “love” for starters. The problem,she occasionally brings up her ex. She has feelings for him,and constantly refers it as,a “Gothic” Romeo and Juliet,or Edward and Bella from Twilight. She also says,her”Past” haunts her,and she’s done things.I really,love her,more than I can explain,but the feeling,of this,brings the faith in our relationship down.Should I confront her, with how I feel?

A: It sounds to me like your girlfriend is trying to tell you to back off just a bit. You are “deeply” in love. She’s not so sure. The difference between 17 and 15 is more important than maybe you want to believe. She has more experience with love and loss than you do. Her instincts are right. It’s normal and important for both of you to be trying on relationships to see what fits and what doesn’t at this stage of life. It’s not the time to be settling into something permanent.

I suggest that you continue to develop your own interests and friendships at the same time as you pursue this relationship. You want to develop into all you can be as an individual, not just as part of a couple. In fact, your couple-ness stands more of a chance if you work on yourself to become a fully mature person.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 15 May 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Girlfriend Still Interested in Ex. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/05/15/girlfriend-still-interested-in-ex/